Kel

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:16:10 GMT

I have not posted in a loooooong time. Oh, not much goin on here...just goin to work, classes, havin a baby. Yep, I am 4 and a half months pregnant with what Benn and I just found out yesterday is a boy. Uh oh...that means I'm gonna have to wipe pee off my face a lot. Anyhow, just thought I would let everyone know, since it is very important news. And we have a name for our baby too: Elijah Russ Nils Severn.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 17:02:18 GMT

It's been a LONG time since my last entry in the livejournal. A lot has happened since then...part of the reason why I don't update too often is because my computer is really fucked up, and couldn't use the internet for a while. Now, I have a class, so I should be able to use the computers during the beginning of lab to update. I would love to tell you more, but it's time for class to start. Chao.

To Fredonia

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 06:34:27 GMT

Tomorrow Benn and I will be headin out to Fredonia to visit some wonderful friends...I can't wait to see everybody, I haven't seen them in months. Unfortunately my muffler is fucked up, so my car is REALLY loud, so hopefully I won't get pulled over by a cop for having a car that is too loud. Oh my god, I am so releaved, I got Smallville seasons 1 and 2 from Benn for Christmas and for Valentine's day...and I was goin nuts for the longest time that I didn't have the money to get season 3 for myself...and of course I bought it for myself as a birthday present. I am a Smallville addict to the max...all I ever want to do when I come home from work is watch it, over and over again. And yes, Lex Luther is one of few men who make it on the Men Who Look Good Bald list...another one is Captain Picard. OH, and just in case people wanted to know, and like random lists, here is my top 5 ugliest men list....I may have listed these once before, but I'll do it again, cause Damn, these men are ugly 1.Quentin Tarantino 2.Prince 3.Snoop Dog 4.Juvinile 5.Fred Durst come on ladies, aren't those guys just repulsive? I find them to be, anyways. I was recently determining if I should add Sean Penn to that list, but I just recently saw the Interpreter, and I decided that, no he's not too great looking, but he's not that bad either, he's so so, and that's not bad enough to make my list. Wow, you'd think I've got a lot of time on my hands making up a list like this, but I really don't.

I'm gettin old

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 05:21:27 GMT

Well, Tuesday is my 23rd birthday, and I was hopin for it to be nice, warm and sunny, but it doesn't look like it's gonna be like that. Rain, rain, rain. I hope that this year will bring about some better luck in terms of financial situations...cause at age 22, I am dirt poor, in debt...if miracles happen, I could use them now. Anyhow, I found it amusing today at work, I was cashing out these 4 50 year old women, I would assume they were drunk, and they came through my lane buying beer. Now, at Wegman's, we have a 100 percent proof policy, which means even if you are 90 years old, I have to see your ID. So, I asked for this lady's ID, and she took it as a compliment that I asked her, saying she feels so young now that I asked her. I've heard this billions of times, of course, but then, the lady grabs me, puts her arm around me, and her drunken ass friend takes a picture of us. What the fuck! I was in shock after getting my picture taken at work by drunk ladies that were laughing like little 5 year olds. It was quite amusing though, beats the usual talk of, "how's the weather", or "I came here to buy one item, and I ended up buying the store"...another stupid comment I hear EVERY FUCKIN DAY. It gets a little old. And every time I reply the same way, with either, "yeah, that's how it is for everyone", or "yeah, that happens to me too", sometimes I do things to try to boost up hipe about Wegman's and say something like "that's because we have so many unique products"...but usually not. Anyhow, I am probably boring you with all of this, I am actually boring myself with this entry.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 04:49:12 GMT

So, I had this interview today, at Calspan...it was 2 hours long and I got interviewed by 4, yes 4 people. I was nuts! Anyhow, I think it went really well. I am 1 of 5 people they decided to interview...and I hope I get this job, because it is full time M-F 9-5...and for once, it is a salary job, 21-27 thousand/year...not bad for someone with no degree to start at...anyhow...it also has full benefits, etc...but seriously...this job would help me get out of debt. I really hope I get this job. It's really interesting too, and i feel that it is a job I could definately move up in. The strange thing is though, that I would have to go to a 3 week training program in Oklahoma City of all places. I would miss home a lot, but that could be exciting. I don't like the fact that I wouldn't know anyone there though...of course I would leave knowing a few people, but still...being so far away from home with no one I am comfortable with scares me a bit. Anyhow, they also go on yearly trips to either Orlando or Las Vegas each year, which would rock...and they usually have time for both work and a little bit of play when they go on those trips. BTY, Happy Birthday April.

blah

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 02:19:45 GMT

You ever feel like you just do nothing but constantly dissappoint people in your life? I do...everyday in fact. It quite frankly depresses me. I don't feel like I make anyone happy...and that in turn makes me unhappy. My 23rd birthday is coming up on the 26th of this month...and I'm really not looking forward to it more than any other day in this year...especially with how I feel. Well, I guess I have slightly good news...I got an interview at a place called Calspan for next week, and it pays really well (not sure exactly how much yet, but it would definately be enough to get me out of debt a lot quicker than now), and it is full time with full benefits...something I REALLY need. And, they would actually pay for me to finish school too, which is awesome...I really don't have more money to spend on taking class. (4 more credits). I find it absolutely pathetic that it's almost graduation time again for those at Fredonia, yet here I am, a year later, STILL with no Bachelor's degree. At least today I finally got my transcript from Buff State sent out to Fredoina, next will be the one from ECC...I'm not sure where I'm gonna finish my last 2 classes this summer...but I wouldn't mind doin it again at Buff State, I liked it there...ECC city campus was annoying...god, their parking was so far away...it was like a high school...htough the building it was in was the old central post office...gorgeous architecture...I suppose it's good they used the space for something as good as education. UB could be an option too, but damn, is that place big! I somewhat know my way around it though, cause my mom went there for her masters when I was in elementary school, so I remember certain parts...and have had several hang out places there throughout high school and college. Yawn, wow, can this entry get any more boring. Well, I'm off for now...finishing up dinner, then off to bed pretty soon...gotta wake up early for traffic school, (damn speeding ticket).

Won't be on for a week

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:04:22 GMT

I haven't been on the internet for a bit, and I won't be on for another week or so, just in case people are wondering why I haven't updated lately. So what's new...hmmm...I moved in with Benn last week, my super special wonderful boyfriend (he made me say that, lol). Okay, okay, I agree. Anyhow, so moving in was a bitch, and cost a lot of money (but man, driving a Uhaul is FUN!!!) There was a malfunction in my cell phone recently, and I lost all of my phone numbers in it...so, if I had your number, I don't anymore, so give it to me!!!! That way I can call you for a good time...er, I mean, chat...(shhh, Benn it watching me type this, don't give him any bad ideas!) Oh, Shiela, that means I lost Fannie's number too, and she wanted to go out to lunch with me sometime soon, so could you give me her number again too? Work kinda sucks lately...so I am getting rid of my shitty job and just keeping my good job (shitty job being my supervisor job at Tim Horton's, good job being Wegman's). Dude, who doesn't wanna work at Wegman's, ya know? It's one of the best places to work in the US...I still have to finish school...almost done...but not quite there...I swear, I feel like I will never finish my last 4 credits....arg...frustrating. I have to get out of Buffalo...out of New York State would be even better. Well, ta ta for now.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 06:06:12 GMT

Well, it's happened. My friends and I are now officially kicked out of our apartment...our moving day is Sunday. So, now I am forced to put most of my stuff in storage...however I do get to move in with Benn (it will be cramped for quite some time because he lives in a studio apartment. OWWWW!!!! I just burned my finger, and typing is REALLY painful right now, but I insist on doing it anyhow. Benn just found out that his best friend is getting married over the summer...so I guess we now have another wedding to go to this year. Man, I love weddings. Anyhow, this is quite short, it's time that my tater tots get eaten, and then off to bed to wake up for a wonderful day at work...blah...chao.

take the test, it kills time

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 04:27:31 GMT

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More pictures

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 06:09:23 GMT

Yeah, I am bored and can't think of anything else to do but show more pictures, here are some pics of me and friends, and one of me and Benn...I will say though the next two days will be hell...I worked tonight till midnight, I have to work both jobs tomorrow, and on Thursday. Tomorrow I have to work at 7AM, then work at night till 11:30, then the next morning I work at 6AM, then work till midnight that night...nothing is worse than working late at night then getting up 5 or 6 hours later to work the next day...that is if I actually get to bed right on time...as you can see, it is past 1AM, and I have to get up at 6AM to be to work on time...fun fun.
I simply wanted to show off this picture cause I think it's funny that Kir and I are in the exact same position...with our asses stickin out!

I like this picture because it's just so energetic...YARR...who says a pirate can't beat the devil!

Mmmmm, Kelly tastes good (at least to Benn, lol)

Paintings

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 05:59:47 GMT

I've decided that since there isn't too much goin on lately, I thought I would post some more pictures...I'll probably have to make two posts tonight. Anyhow, I am a supervisor at Tim Hortons (I also work at Wegmans too), but for Christmas, since I paint, Tim Horton's had me paint the windows of two of the stores...the one I work at, and the other store owned by the same people. Here are some pictures...they are not the greatest, but it at least gives you an idea of what I painted.

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 05:24:32 GMT

So I've had this livejournal for what seems like forever...and I never actually changed the way it looked...ever...I decided to give it a little change. I think I like the way it look now, however, I am a little disappointed that my icon is not on top like it was anymore. I think I like the style better though, so I'll leave it for now, hey, I can always change it later, right? I was very happy today because my good old friend Carly called me, and we got together for the first time in months. It was exactly what I needed. Carly and I were best friends in high school, then lost touch for a couple of years, and just started talking again this past summer. Yeah, we aren't best friends or anything, but it's real nice to catch up with an old friend, and it's nice cause we are still very comfortable talking to eachother. I don't often get to hang out with girls lately, and it was real nice to have a night of girl talk (I am constantly surrounded by guys, no girls to be found). It was a nice change of pace, and a nice break from the usual routine of my life recently. We might end up hangin out tomorrow too, and she can finally meet Benn!

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 06:16:31 GMT

Ok, is it really stupid for a young woman of 22 years (almost 23) to feel like an old fart? I don't know what it is, perhaps the hardships I have endured over the past few years, maybe they made me grow up mentally at a fast rate. But seriously, do any of you around my age feel really old? Maybe it's just because I am surrounded by a lot of high schoolers at my jobs right now. I feel like I have a lot to offer this world...but I am not in a position at this time where I can really do...anything...of significance, for anything or anyone, and that quite frankly depresses me. I feel like I am supposed to do something meaningful...something that makes a truely positive influence in people's lives...yet, I feel more stuck than ever. I've always been one to fear death, but I've found out recently that I fear living as well...and when I feel like eventually I will be able to do something meaningful, it often comes with the after thought of "well, you can't do anything now"...and then I feel worthless, and start worrying about what will come next in my life. As it turns out, I, as well as my roommates, may be homeless soon...that scares me to no end...I have money problems up the wazzo............I STILL have 4 credits left to finish before really graduating from college, so I am stuck working two dead end jobs right now, I mean, how much more stuck can a person get? And you would think that in such a situation I would be able to go to my parents and at least get some comfort from them...but unfortunately...I have extremely unhappy with my relationship with them right now. I have been for a while. I realized that nothing is ever good enough for them. I do something that I think is good, or something I am proud of, and I just get shot down, "why didn't you do better?" They don't have faith in me whatsoever, and I realized they have done this to me my whole life...decisions I make simply get criticizm and ridicule, and they try in every way possible to control and manipulate my life. I am at a point in my life where I need my parents, not to save me out of a bad situation, but for moral support, and a little self esteem and encouragement, for god sakes...to let me know everything will be all right, that I will get through this...but I can't get that...or expect that from them. They are not giving me what I need right now, and unfortunately, that means I am not comfortable in their presence, and probably won't be for years. When I spend time with them, I don't tell them anything of great significance in my life, for fear of them saying the wrong thing (which they always do). I'm sorry to depress all of you folks out there right now, but there really is not much to say about my life right now...what else can one talk about when in such a situation. Hopefully next time I write in this journal it will be about something good.

a craptastic knee, and a wonderful wedding

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 01:55:31 GMT

So, lucky me, I injured my knee today at work. I was actually born with knees that are not really formed very well structurally...so it's very easy for them to be injured. The doctor said I would have good days and bad with them, especially my left one, comparing my knee to that of a 60 year old woman. (Hence the reason why I am athletic...can swim very well, yet can't stand to run more than 5 minutes...the impact kills my knees). Anyhow, I noticed that for the past month or so my left knee gets really painful after long days at work. Today, I must have hurt it further, because now I can barely walk, without the aid of a knee brace. There is also fluid in my knee right near one of the ligaments...I am worried, because I torn my medial collateral ligament in my right knee (which happens to be my good knee), several years ago, I am scared that that will happen again. But the funny thing about that injury was it happened suddenly, with no warning, I was dancing, having fun, then suddenly, I collapsed, and my knee jiggled around like a rubber band that broke...no structure at all. With this injury, it feels like of like a slow, over stretching of my ligament perhaps. I don't know, perhaps I am getting ahead of myself...but all I know it I don't want to feel that pain again, cause trust me, it was probably the most painful thing I felt, ever. So painful in fact, that I blacked out when the actual tearing of the ligament happened...one moment I was standing up, the next moment, I was on the floor crying...the part where I actually fell to the ground never happened in my mind. Slightly scary...but I guess that happens with pain. Anyhow, I have to work tomorrow, and I better take it easy so I don't hurt it more...if it is something that will be a problem, hopefully I caught it before it gets to serious...let us hope so. On a lighter note, I am happy to say two of my friends that Benn and I share from work are getting married in May, and I am really excited because this is the first wedding that I will be going to where two of my friends will actually be getting married, not a family member or another person's family member. I have plenty of dresses, but of course I insist on getting a new one. Well, I think that's all for now.

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 02:03:32 GMT

Life is pretty funny lately, mostly just full of going to work and resting when not at work, (I worked for 17 days straight...it was NOT fun at all.) I am often tired and irritable, so there is never really anything exciting to talk about. Since that is the case, I figured I would post some pictures of me and Benn, since he's only one of very few things that are good in my life right now...perhaps I will feel better when I don't feel stuck in dead end jobs...........I just feel like I should be doing more with my life right now, do most people feel this way after college? Anyhow...here's some pictures of me and my sweetie. If they don't work, I'll try to post them again.

Hey all

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 21:14:44 GMT

I haven't updated in forever. This is gonna have to be a short one, since I have to be at work by 5...but I wanted to put pictures that I have in one of my journal entries...I remember I did it before, like a year ago, but I don't remember how to do it. Can somebody tell me how I can do it? Thanks.

It's been a while

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 08:34:00 GMT

It's been a while since I wrote in my livejournal. LIfe has treated me strange lately...that's all I can say. I saw the SpongeBob movie last week, I guess that was fun. What else...ummm...........I dunno, workin, goin to school, hangin out, that's my life, in a nutshell. Maybe someday I'll have more exciting stuff to talk about...but I'm half asleep right now.

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 05:24:04 GMT

I've realized that when it comes to love, no one can really get it perfect. There is so much that can be done wrong, or right, depending on the person you are with...feelings can change, or stay the same, or grow. Love is a powerful thing, a mysterious thing, that grabs hold of your soul, and doesn't let go, yet sometimes, it can loose it's grip and fall. In a way, this never happens, once one is loved, they really are loved forever. You cannot tell someone you love them, and really mean it, and then tell them later on you don't. Perhaps you don't love them in the same way, but you DO love them. Or, perhaps, you do love them, in every way shape or form, but don't know how to fully acknowledge it. THere are so many different reasons why people mess up in relationships...some people simply deny their real feelings, others are confused, their unconscious minds give them little hints as to how they really feel, yet, don't give enough of the real picture to truely formulate a conclusion. Love is wonderful and terrible at the same time, while it can devour one's heart and soul, it can also nurture and caress the heart and soul as well. Love is bittersweet, but mostly, it is the absolute best emotion that can be felt by a human being. It is an emotion with no discription that is worthy. When you feel this feeling...and you can't explain why, you know you have felt pure love. For those you love most, you will not be able to formulate in words what you feel for them.

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 22:10:50 GMT

ARG! My computer is fried. :-( Such a sad time...and I may have lost all my info...we're gonna try to see if my hard drives still work, but they may not. All my pictures, poems, stories, and music...gone in an instant. How depressing is that?!

Fall is coming

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 18:57:52 GMT

I am actually looking forward to fall this year. The trees and leaves are so beautiful at this time of year...and the temperature actually gets quite comfortable...summer gets too hot, winter gets too cold. I am looking forward to the next couple of months...and the first snowfall...though I feel we get snow for too long at a time (4 months of snow!) Hopefully snow won't be around THAT long this year.

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 12:58:24 GMT

You know what's funny about these live journal thingies? You can't really write anything TOO personal in these things, because they are LIVE journals! It almost defeats the purpose of a journal, making it available to your friends and the public. Just imagine if everyone put in their most intimate secrets online...can you imagine what people would be thinking? I think that everyone has things that they feel they need to hide from the world. I suppose the purpose of livejournal is not really to be a journal, more just a place to bitch about the latest craptastic episodes in your life, and get a little empathy back. Or, it could be good, sharing a wonderful experience, and getting congratulations and praise. I happen to find that I can't really say too much in these things, because of the fact that they are online where everyone can see. My life is not exactly an open book, and I've realized lately how much of myself I hide from people. I actually don't like it, because a lot of people do not see the full potential to who I am and what I can do. It's like a part of me has this determination to do great things...and I know I can. Yet, I still have this huge part of me that feel s like I am nothing but a failure...and that is what everyone sees me as. Then I get pissed off when I feel that people have not seen who I really am...oh yeah, I'm just stupid goofy Kelly, well ya know what? I run a HELL of a lot deeper than that, and yes, some of it is me not giving people a chance to see how I REALLY am, but also, others for never allowing me to show my true colors. Some people naturally get overshadowed in life, constantly get taken advantage of, both by friends, family, and just other people in general. I have ALWAYS been the nice one, who lets people get away with whatever they want from me. I'm never assertive...I just let people walk all over me...and if not, I hold it in to the point where I explode and become ultra bitch aggressive to whomever I am around that is doing something at that point. You see, my dad was always the guy that took all the crap, my mom is AGGRESSIVE (she is a major bitch to MANY people for no good reason). I never learned how to be ASSERTIVE, ya know, that thing in between. I am on a quest to learn how to be assertive, then, I won't take as much crap, and THEN, maybe people will stop interrupting me so much, and I will actually get heard, then people will actually start giving me credit where credit is deserved. I run a lot deeper than what you see on the surface...and I want to start showing people who I REALLY am, and what I am REALLY capable of.

Don't you find it funny

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 03:51:52 GMT

Don't you find it funny, how much you look foward to growing up, and moving on, and getting your own life...yet it is the most frightening experience in the entire world? And I think it's funny how excited people get to move on, yet, when they do, half the time, they just want the old times back. I've decided that people just want what they don't have at that moment...we all need to learn how to enjoy what we have in the moment...including myself.

Hey All

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 04:35:01 GMT

Wow, it's been forever since I last updated my journal. So, what's been goin on in the life of Kelly, you ask? I could write 5 novels based on just the past few months of my life that I haven't written in my journal. But anyhow, I don't have time to go through all that right now, but I thought I would let my friends who still write in the journal know that, yes, I am still very much alive, and would like to say hi, so hi! I'll prolly start actually updating this again, for a while I forgot I even had this!

hey

Sat, 01 May 2004 00:30:29 GMT

Wow, what a week...what a life more like it. I've never had such a hard time with decisions than now. Well...I have...but these decisions are a lot more life changing than ever. It's quite a scary time...well, stressful time is more like it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I hope things get figured out...I know they will eventually, but going through the process of finding yourself is a hard challange. Once things are figured out, life will hopefully be pleasant.

long time

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 01:04:37 GMT

Well folks, it's been a long time since I last updated my journal. I don't really know what to say. What's been goin on through my mind lately is the fact that I will be graduating in May, and I will be leaving all of my Fredonia friends. It is an exciting time, to begin my life as an adult, outside of a college setting. But it is sad and scary at the same time. I love all you guys, and I hope that we continue to stay in contact as much as possible when we leave Fredonia. If not, I know all of you will be in my hearts forever.